Civility goes a long way in life, and in a co-op or condo community, constructive communication is especially important. Residents, board members, on-site staff, and managers all deserve to be treated professionally and spoken to respectfully. Maintaining this standard helps build trust in a community, and helps prevent, or even resolve conflicts before they arise. When residents feel respected, they are more likely to be engaged neighbors, and the community as a whole can keep moving forward in a positive, harmonious direction. 

Mark Levine, principal at property management firm EBMG in New York City, reminds us that property management is fundamentally a customer service business. “Whether you are a board member or not, you’re still a client of the management team, and they are tasked with managing communication effectively,” he says. “It’s our job to treat everyone like they are on the board.” The same goes for board members interacting among themselves. “Everybody, whether they’re management, on a board, or an employee, has a responsibility to behave in a respectful, businesslike manner,” Levine notes. 

Because board members and property management firms are dealing with people—and specifically with people’s homes—the stakes are high in terms of personal investment and sensitivity. “In many senses, a resident’s home is their sanctuary, and the largest single investment of their lives,” says Levine. “There’s a lot of emotion that goes with living in a building and having an issue arise. It’s our job to take the emotion out of it and be as objective as possible.”

How boards make sure their own interactions with residents are respectful, fair, and transparent, particularly in difficult situations, may differ. “The best approach is to stick to the facts and the issue at hand,” says Marc Schneider, partner at Manhattan-based law firm Schneider Buchel. “Make sure all communications remain professional and on point. One sure way to avoid [unintended conflict or misunderstanding] is to allow an attorney to communicate on issues that are contentious and legal in nature” rather than one or more board members winging it and inadvertently inflaming the situation further.  

Small Things = Big Impact 

Even minor discourteous interactions can negatively impact a board and/or building. Things like eye rolling or sarcasm might seem trivial, but over time, they can congeal into a toxic pattern. Schneider cautions that these actions can compromise a board’s ability to handle board and resident issues efficiently and properly.

Petty, unprofessional behavior can often lead to an unnecessary escalation of a dispute. “Boards must also realize that in today’s technology era where everything you do or say can be recorded, any such conduct can be used against the board in a court or other setting where someone is trying to claim the board has an agenda other than the real issue,” Schneider warns. “Boards should always stay professional, and stick to the issue and facts.  Don’t get distracted and allow the board’s conduct to become the issue instead of the real underlying problem.” 

“You have to be cognizant of everyone’s stresses or struggles,” Levine notes. “We try not to take things personally when people will maybe snap, because it’s their home. It’s our job to weed through that, communicate our processes, and hopefully resolve issues.” 

Clear Communication Controls Conflict 

It may sound obvious, but Levine notes that the most effective and important part of communication is simply…communicating. “A common complaint we’ve heard is that the agency won’t communicate. We make sure to do anything we can do to set up proper channels of communication–whether it’s text, phone calls, or emails,” he says. 

One way to cultivate and promote open communication from the ground up is to provide a welcome packet for new residents outlining the board’s roles, the community’s bylaws, and the rights and responsibilities of both the board and residents so everyone starts out with a baseline level of understanding. Another effective approach is to send out an email newsletter to give residents updates and clear information on how to contact management and/or board members in case anyone has a comment, concern, or question. 

Being transparent and responsive has a hugely positive impact on resident/board relations; giving residents more information leads to less speculation and resentment, and can help smooth ruffled feathers in case a problem does arise. Levine says it’s the property management’s responsibility to acknowledge and respond to communication once the various channels are established. 

Property managers are there to support their client boards, so understanding that board communication styles can vary greatly between communities—and from one board iteration to the next—is every bit as important as staying on top of the local building inspection cycle. “Every property manager has a different relationship with their boards,” says Levine. “There’s no one-stop shop. You have to kind of curate and navigate each individual board to see what their strengths and shortfalls are, and what they can improve upon. Those are open-ended discussions.” 

When Hostility Takes Hold 

Even in the most neighborly communities, with solid communication habits in place, conflicts can arise, so it’s equally important how the board handles these moments. There are legal risks for a board that allows hostile or disrespectful communication to become a pattern, including potential harassment and discrimination claims. “When a court or administrative agency is determining whether a board breached its fiduciary duty or discriminated in some manner, the perceived ‘tone’ of that board’s communication can be used against it,” advises Schneider. “I’ve seen the language in emails and correspondence cause tremendous legal issues for boards when trying to defend their actions.”

Echoing Schneider’s advice about letting legal counsel handle communication around touchy issues, Levine says that if there’s a personal interaction or conflict of interest with a particular shareholder, it’s better to take a step back and delegate. In such situations, “I would deter a board from getting involved and let the property management team step in,” he says. “You don’t want to show favoritism. That’s a good time for the manager to respond and keep everyone else above the fray.” 

The common refrain from legal and management pros is to approach communication with both caution and courtesy, no matter what the issue at hand may be. “Don’t just focus on what you’re communicating,” says Schneider, “but just as importantly on how you’re communicating.” Be truthful, be clear, set aside emotions and personal opinions, so you can approach the issues impacting your community professionally and factually. 

Ultimately, most people on the boards are laypeople who are trying to improve their community, and having a set of guidelines helps them achieve this goal. Decorum is more than just being polite; it sets a tone for a building that brings people together in a positive way, encouraging open communication and respectful dialogue. It allows conflicts to be resolved quickly, paving the way for the entire community to move forward together. 

Ten Tips to Keep Things Civil 

Establish Clear Guidelines: Set expectations, rules, and regulations in your bylaws, including a guideline of what clear, courteous communication is.

Treat Everyone Like a Board Member: Everyone in the building deserves to be treated with respect and professionalism, regardless of their role. 

Don’t Take Things Personally: People have bad days or react with emotion; it’s not always as harsh as it may seem. 

Stay Positive: Nothing is gained by delving into negativity; staying focused on positive solutions and goals can help keep the conversation on a productive track. 

Find Common Ground: Being able to hold a polite conversation opens the door to learning new ideas and finding common ground. 

Address Discourteous Behavior Quickly: Don’t let things escalate or boundaries get crossed. 

Communicate Constructively: Practice active listening and express your thoughts and ideas respectfully, even when disagreeing. 

Focus on Goals: All residents and boards are working together for the greater good of the entire building, so keep your sights on your community’s goals. 

Be Engaged: Attend board meetings, ask questions, and communicate effectively with your board. The more information you know, the less you’ll wonder or worry. 

Lead by Example: As Thomas Jefferson said, “Whenever you are to do a thing... ask yourself how you would act were all the world looking at you, and act accordingly.” Set the tone and demonstrate integrity and others, hopefully, will follow suit.

Kate Mattiace is associate editor of CooperatorNews.